The sweet taste of powerlessness

On ruining rapists' lives

The feminist Dogma says: rape allegations don't ruin men's lives.

Full disclaimer: the Dogma, like a lot of dogmas, is not wrong. There are, indeed, a lot of men who came out untouched by very substantiated rape allegations. An awful lot of victims had to face more violence than the rapist they speak out against, because the backlash can be terrible. Kavanaugh is still a Supreme Court Justice. Woody Allen and Roman Polanski still make movies. You know the drill.

And the Dogma, like a lot of dogmas, makes sense. A lot of victims are told (or tell themselves) they should not speak out about what was done to them because rape allegations might ruin the poor man's life. Hush, little one, go lick your wounds alone, you wouldn't hurt the career of such a promising young fellow, right?

And that's unfair, and unjust, and disgusting. And the rage one may feel while being told to hide the truth of their existence to protect the lie of another, more privileged, one... that must be the kind of stuff who keeps you awake at night, wanting to punch and screech and stab. I understand the fire. And if, on top of that, it appears that the rapists lives are actually not in danger, that it is a travesty as well as an injustice, that all these talks about "the ruined lives of rapists" actually protect them from any kind of accountability, punishment or negative consequences for their actions... Well... That's the kind of stuff that can make you crazy.

The problem with the Dogma is that it is a Dogma.

Meaning that it's applied without discernment to all situations, and without the possibility to accept exceptions or new data. Meaning that feminists might very well be blind to the situations where rape allegations might, or do, hurt a man.

Of course, there might be debate about what means "ruin a life". Rape allegations ended my life as it was. It destroyed almost everything I have worked for. I considered killing myself. Finally, I didn't, and I had to rebuild an existence for myself with what was left. And I very well know that, now, every modicum of success I might have in whatever direction I put my energies into will make some people say "oh, so long for rape allegations ruining men's lives !". I am now trapped in an existence of perpetual indecency: whatever I've seen doing, even a party for my birthday, will now be felt like a spit in the face by those who see me as an abuser, who will be angry that my life had not been ruined enough.